Wondering...

its been ages since i wrote....i had some how lost myself in the hustle and bustle of the busy city life, although now it just seems so artificial and pointless, all those hello's and the excited "oh my gawwddd you've lost so much weight" or "hai itni bari hoagyi hai, shaadi kab karwa rahi hoo" remarks. I mean what's thier problem neway? some how people have lost the decency to mind thier own business or maybe they are so restless and unsatisfied that they need an excuse to forget what they face at home.

I guess im going through a transition period where im desperatly holding on to the hope to find myself, I, for once have never felt this lost. Lost not in my goals, but lost in this superficial life style where everything is like a beautiful mairage, its an escape to thirsty eyes but as soon as you come closer it crumbles to dust with your touch. Im living among a world where, with each sunset, the walls grow closer and closer and a point will come when all of us will become a part of that wall...the question that i keep asking is why? why wait for that point? why not break through these barriers and set ourselves free? what are we waiting for? why are we so scared to break free? are we scared of the risks that follow? are we afraid of the consequences? or are we terrified of the regret?

All in all our decessions are always a gamble and there is always a chance to win or lose its how we shape our experience that matters..but then again im a pessimist..so just wondering...