me, myself and i???

New Beginnings....

2012-01-08T01:45:00.001+05:00

New year, new place, new people, new relations, new feelings...so much new that I've lost everything old and reliable. Like my comfy worn out blanket or the feeling of a warm hug by a loved one. That's the funny side of life it's actually pretty ironic how running after a certain motive and when you achieve that goal all you want is to run from it! Liberating yet frustrating it's cheers to these bitter sweet new beginnings!

Q & A

2010-03-07T04:32:00.003+05:00

hmmmm...as always i have broken my promise once again to write frequently, after all it is my only out let, well not quite my only out let! its been a while I'm a little rusty and sleepy..as usual sitting in front of a blank screen in the wee hours of the morning indicates that trouble is lurking by but i guess its not troubles that hushes sleep away its the feeling of emptiness. It makes me question whether or not all that i do is sufficient? i guess the answer to this question lies with in myself and i dont need to look for answers around me, its the looking with in myself part that scares me, maybe i don't want to come across the brutal reality of this superficial life that I'm leading...there is so much going on around us and we are just blinded by all that bling! why? this is the question that rules my thoughts the most, it is the ability to question that is slowly being replaced by less important statements. The ability to question is the one that makes us human, it gets really irritating as well when you repeatedly ask a question, even if it is to oneself, but its the very essence of human nature, no matter how big or small, it helps to learn and makes us more aware, are you aware with all the little luxuries around you? the unplanned pedicures? all the spontaneous dinner plans? all the crazy shoe shopping? its these little luxuries we don't even reckon, why? because we don't question...we are not aware. My point is appreciate! you might wake up tommorrow and not have all of it....i questioned myself today..and i ended up appreciating my little packages of blessings:) so WHY is a very important factor in my life...

FAITH

2009-05-04T07:57:00.003+06:00

faith..its a very complex phenomena, how people can define faith oftens puzzels me. There are different explanations of it, we have faith in God, in our families, in our selves, even in our cat (that she just wont wonder away), what we fail to realize is that having faith in God is a completely different stature but having with in people or things or situations just blinds a person from reaching to the top.

Once we start having faith in people we get side tracked from our judgements, we let our guard down and become vulnerable to the extent where we always..and yes i mean ALWAYS...end up getting hurt. Now its not entirely recommended that one should become a total shrew, okay maybe a little faith would be good, but still one should stay clear in ones judgement.

However looking at the otherside of faith...faith does pull one back from the edge countles times, when a person feels as if they are on a cliff with a harsh wind gushing them towards the edge and they are screaming agonizingly for help but no one can hear then..at the very moment, that very instance they find faith..faith to hold on..faith to fight..faith to linger on..some may say thats not faith its hope to carry on but hope is just a tiny little part of faith. Having faith allows hope to spring in ones darkest, loneliest hour..like a pheonix..a person rises from thier ashes.

Thats the miracle of faith..it gives way to contentment, satisfaction, hope, beauty and life itself.

Now the question is how long does this faith last?

.....

2009-04-30T00:57:00.002+06:00

I have'nt figured out the title for this post as yet because I dont know where this post is headed, im angry and spiteful, rage is rushing through my viens and hate is tightening my chest to the point where im breathless and it hurts!

How stupid can we get? okay I understant that we tend to fall short on our judgement but I mean come on! the advices we give to others why can't we take a notice ourselves? I call it the system...and we are all slaves to the system. The system exsits in the very foundations of us and we follow it subconciously..breaking free? not a chance my dear...

We just need to find a way to find the tricks and cheats to get around the system, where we have to be one step ahead of it...like a chess game...

The Saga of Trust

2009-04-30T00:48:00.003+06:00

Living in the fear of loneliness,
a black wall compressing itself inward.
Your voice calls out and tells me this ‘truth’,
but I’m too obsessed to believe it so.
The bottle of this water freezes over as I sit,
thinking of you and all of these promises,
laid out like a deck of cards with both red and black suits-
the colors never matter, only their faces.

A worry tremor can be heard through the phone,
the dial tones become annoying after a few minutes.
This is the saga of somebody who is caught
between her sanity and the love she feels,
What good is a life when you are running around
never knowing what is real and what is not?

I am here in this same old room
patted down with strange bright lights,
it’s like an interrogation of the soul
Resided on by yours truly and the other lovers.
Of all the stables in my life I choose to lean on you,
a thicket of wheat tumbling with no direction in these winds.

Fly solo instead of flying haywire.

Is that really so? I have learned again;
It is my own inability to trust that holds me back,
holds back the ability to feel perfectly okay.
I should take your word for it and everything else,
have faith in this humanity I keep trying to save,
Maybe then one day they will start to have faith in me.

I have come to these mere conclusions,
that life is better lived in honesty
So at first believe that all whom you encounter are honest.
Simple?
I will no longer question but feel comforted with your answers.
This is my saga, care to join in?

A certain film entices the damaged, the lost,
the wounded of what is in your head
(a twisted image between these walls,
painted cleverly by your rivals).
I will sit and watch with the clocks ticking by,
holding your hand like a runaway child,
For being here is better than on the other side of you.

Wondering...

2009-04-29T07:11:00.002+06:00

its been ages since i wrote....i had some how lost myself in the hustle and bustle of the busy city life, although now it just seems so artificial and pointless, all those hello's and the excited "oh my gawwddd you've lost so much weight" or "hai itni bari hoagyi hai, shaadi kab karwa rahi hoo" remarks. I mean what's thier problem neway? some how people have lost the decency to mind thier own business or maybe they are so restless and unsatisfied that they need an excuse to forget what they face at home.

I guess im going through a transition period where im desperatly holding on to the hope to find myself, I, for once have never felt this lost. Lost not in my goals, but lost in this superficial life style where everything is like a beautiful mairage, its an escape to thirsty eyes but as soon as you come closer it crumbles to dust with your touch. Im living among a world where, with each sunset, the walls grow closer and closer and a point will come when all of us will become a part of that wall...the question that i keep asking is why? why wait for that point? why not break through these barriers and set ourselves free? what are we waiting for? why are we so scared to break free? are we scared of the risks that follow? are we afraid of the consequences? or are we terrified of the regret?

All in all our decessions are always a gamble and there is always a chance to win or lose its how we shape our experience that matters..but then again im a pessimist..so just wondering...

ANGER!!!

2006-12-28T01:05:00.000+05:00

anger
bubbling up like a storm
overwhelming tearsdripping down like rain
glistening upon the heart
as love disappears
breaking waves
learning who he said he was
wasn't who he was
lying
anger sprouting from the soul within
anger threatening to erupt into a whirlwind of emotions
breaking apart the foundation
of the soulstarting again
why me?
temptation to curl up and just disappear
into a hole of self-pity
breaking down the wall
anger
lashing out at everyone and everything
spilling over the tears
of the heart

Blessings..

2005-03-02T13:43:00.000+05:00

Every time I look at you I forget all worries, your smile makes my problems melt so far away, your hands, every time they hold me gives me the strength to carry on, to shelter you, to protect you, every time your upset my heart falls in the pit of my tummy and I feel queasy and sad, every time you cry I'm there to wipe your tears, I hurt when I see your tears they are as precious to me as the rarest pearls and diamonds, I cry with you at times when I'm unable to take your pain away and at times I cry secretly doubting myself whether I'll be good enough for you. Every time I hear you I feel like an excited little girl lost in a candy store and every time you snuggle with me I experience a little bit of heaven...our heaven... Just you and me... You have given me the reason to hope and feel real, you have saved me from myself and I'm thankful to you, you have taught me how to live and love from a broken heart, you have made me strong enough to stand up with skimmed knees and half lost faith. You make my world real and I love you unconditionally my son.
( after writing this post I realized what a parents love is for their child, it's also dedicated to both my parents who have been the ray of hope and strength in my life, I love you mom & dad)

Quote..

2005-02-17T17:06:00.000+05:00

"Tomorrow is not promised, nor is today. So I choose to celebrate every day I'm alive by being present in it. Living in the present means letting go of the past and not waiting for the future"

Oprah Winfrey

In the winds of heavens she danced...

2005-02-16T17:04:00.000+05:00

February being the month of love..and going all red..but for some this red is more haunting then comforting..but then again love comes in all shapes and sizes..in all forms..you can love your mom..your siblings..or even your favourite doll..love is somthing very deep and mostly needs no explanation or introduction..but in my openion love is the name given to a bunch of feelings combined....i know it doesnt make any sense...was reading about a friend today and the only thing my mind could come up with was to let him know sumthing...i just hope he goes through this..this one goes out to u:)

Remember to let the winds of heaven dance between you as this new relationship evolves. There will be a gradual development and steady progress as this relationship undergoes changes. You have progressed far enough to feel safety in your position. Face the future reassured that you are where you are supposed to be at this point in the relationship. This is a time of non-action, time not to make decisions. Deep transformational forces are at work now. This will strengthen your ability to wait and play it out. Let go and reclaim your power. There are considerable frustrations in your life. Doubtful situations are abundant and come in many forms. You have the opportunity to recognize where your true nourishment lies. Dispel the darkness that somehow has been clouding your life. This is a time of joy and light. There will be a mutual opening in your relationship, the timekeeper allows the awareness of light between you both again. This opening is for seriousness, clear intent and concentration. This is a time to restore balance, practice restraint. Time opens up new beginnings within every relationship.

Love is quiet understanding and mature acceptance of imperfection. It gives you strength and grows beyond you. You are warmed by his presence no matter what or who he is with. Love is patience. Love is friendship. Love is trust. Love is real.

You know who you are and what inspired this...

Magic...

2005-02-15T17:43:00.000+05:00

Shimmering Energy is the energy within us all, the magic within us all, it is the essence of our souls. Magic is the power of your imagination as it is expressed through "a harmonious marriage of intellect and intuition. Magic denotes the practical fusion of Art, Science, and Spiritual Wisdom, evoking the alchemist’s symbolic quest: to turn lead into gold, transmute the base into the noble. Magic is a fun word that suggests serendipity, spontaneity, creativity and productivity beyond all expectations." Shimmering Energy or Magic is the beauty of the heavens, the single raindrop landing on your hand, the smile of a child, the purr of a cat. Magic abounds in this world - all you need is your imagination and the belief that magic is there for taking, that it is there within yourself.

My works reflects this magic or energy, the essence of my soul. I only create what is in my head, I see beauty in every day things and I try to create that beauty in the form of art as to express that beauty so that others may see the shimmering energy which is the music of my soul.

Magic is the music in your head, the words that take shape to form a story, a thought, a post, a poem, a design. Magic is the dance in your step, the performance in your heart. Magic is all around us, open up your eyes and see the world through the shimmering energy of magic, magic happens. You only need to look for it. I believe that magic happens and everything happens for a reason.

Being with him is also magic...that shimmers as the north star in my life..guides me through darkness and despair..it was magic when i first saw him..magic when we first spoke...magic surrounds us..in the laps of our mothers..in the hands of our friends..in the closed fists of our children..in the smiles of our siblings...all is but magic..shimmering magic that glitters through the night...

Shimmering Energy

Poetry that speaks from the heart
broken marble perhaps my ocean

Trust her secret magic for this web remembers translucent peace
learn the sacred rhythm of her universe
celebrate and embrace the healing breeze

Linger long
for their ghost work must seep and voice to
drink blue air down like brilliant smoke

For women did bring life wet and warm changing old from young
flowering home was glass
but every blush delicious eternity

Kissing thy naked man with soft tender breath
streams deep open desire
piercing blind fire in my sky
flowing shimmering clouds of energy

ORANGE!

2005-02-14T14:45:00.000+05:00

Happy and sad...more like an emotional roller coaster ride...as the effects of my so called " asking for hand in marraige" wear off the world becomes clearer again...but only the world...im still CONFUSSED..not about him or me..not about my relationship.. but about this bunch of feelings running like electric shocks through my body! Women have too many feelings! URRRGGHHHH...its like all women can do is feel...too many emotions ...some of 'em even which i can not figure out! everyday turns out to be a rather dramatic, eventful day..or maybe there is a lot of drama in my life...im content with the drama and my life.. on the whole the grey turns into beautiful, bright orange, there is happiness in the sadness..but victory in the loss! i lost today but gained all...and im happy..

Standing in the middle

a rose in bloom

dressed as a glowing bride..

she waits..

with beholding fear

palms all sweaty

its her first time

she waits as silence prevails

a haunting silence

a silence that judges her...

with a watchful eye

and she waits..

afraid of what is to come

afraid of what would become

but she waits...

A Girl In The Wings...

2005-02-14T00:11:00.000+05:00

a friend in the night

a girl in the wings

a life waiting

for the magical moment

a steel tree born

a tear slowly drowning

a kiss

a need

only a friend?

emotions running high

energies of past

influencing feelings

reading it wrong

guessing without talking

didn't hear all of the comment

could have been more

than a friend?

a girl in the wings

pushing down feelings

burrowing

down into the night

steel tree is born...

a new begining??

2005-02-13T17:02:00.001+05:00

well well..first and foremost..im new to this..usually the coherrent ramblings of my mind are stacked away on blank pages that are now covered with dust! i guess before starting out my scattered thoughts i would like to thank my friend who introduced me to this high-tech system of blogging..as i sit here infront of the computer my mind goes blank and my heart beat quickens.. all of a sudden im not very comfortable with anyone reading my thoughts..and this unknown fear grips me...i have always remained a mystery to everyone around me and just the fact that someone, anyone might just barge in and grab my thoughts completely shakes me!...well for those who dont know me i wud give a little introduction of myself..im passionate about my words and pocessive about my thoughts..maybe this blogging thing would prove to be a road to self discovery..somthing that my scattered thoughts would create..so its time to discard the dairies and embrace the computers...i ..like any other am hesitant towards change..but i welcome it..lets see how far it takes me..